She leaves me speechless,
Her voice leaves me breathless.
Her eyes make my heart race,
Her kisses make me feel like I was hit by lightening.
Her laugh brings a smile to my face,
Her smile makes the butetrflies in my tummy stir.
She makes me feel as though I have wings,
And am no longer stuck under my dark cloud.
I'd do anything to be hers, because
She leaves me speechless.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
I've Fallen
I've fallen,
Head over hels.
I've fallen,
For the most amazing girl ever.
I've fallen,
For someone who does love me back.
I've fallen,
For someone who makes me feel like never before.
I've fallen,
For someone who can't stop me from smiling.
I've fallen,
For someone so unique.
I've fallen,
For a girl named Sam.
Head over hels.
I've fallen,
For the most amazing girl ever.
I've fallen,
For someone who does love me back.
I've fallen,
For someone who makes me feel like never before.
I've fallen,
For someone who can't stop me from smiling.
I've fallen,
For someone so unique.
I've fallen,
For a girl named Sam.
I Promise
I want to feel that pain,
From the razor blade.
I want to feel that blood fall down,
Like acid rain.
It's been 7 months,
And I just can't take it.
Let em cut my skin deep,
And let my adrenaline flow.
Nails just won't cut it,
Give me back my razor blade.
A cut here,
A cut there,
It'll heal.
Just give me back my drug,
And I'll be myself again.
I won't do it too much,
I promise...
From the razor blade.
I want to feel that blood fall down,
Like acid rain.
It's been 7 months,
And I just can't take it.
Let em cut my skin deep,
And let my adrenaline flow.
Nails just won't cut it,
Give me back my razor blade.
A cut here,
A cut there,
It'll heal.
Just give me back my drug,
And I'll be myself again.
I won't do it too much,
I promise...
My Day
I'll bring that blade down,
And make myself fall to teh ground.
Reopening new scars,
I'll be gone within a few hours.
Possibly splitting a vein,
I'm addicted to this pain.
My family will wonder "why?
Why didn't she say goodbye?"
I just no longer care,
With blood now flowing from my tear.
And now with this knife,
I'll end my life.
"She's gone", they'll say.
Today was my day,
And I chose it.
And make myself fall to teh ground.
Reopening new scars,
I'll be gone within a few hours.
Possibly splitting a vein,
I'm addicted to this pain.
My family will wonder "why?
Why didn't she say goodbye?"
I just no longer care,
With blood now flowing from my tear.
And now with this knife,
I'll end my life.
"She's gone", they'll say.
Today was my day,
And I chose it.
Can't You See?
I'm shaking,
I'm losing control.
I want you,
I need you.
You make me dizzy,
But in such a good way.
Can't you see,
I can't get over you.
I've tried,
But still,
Everytime I see your face...
I lose breath,
And my heart skips a beat.
I need you...
Can't you see?
I love you...
Can't you see?
I'm losing control.
I want you,
I need you.
You make me dizzy,
But in such a good way.
Can't you see,
I can't get over you.
I've tried,
But still,
Everytime I see your face...
I lose breath,
And my heart skips a beat.
I need you...
Can't you see?
I love you...
Can't you see?
Not Yet
We're so much alike,
It's insane.
She's so sweet,
And can make me smile.
She's a close friend already,
And she's truly amazing.
I wonder if she'll fall for me,
And if we'll take a chance together.
I'm not quite sure if I've fallen,
I have a feeling I will,
But I'll just let time take it's course.
I haven't fallen in love with her,
Not yet.
It's insane.
She's so sweet,
And can make me smile.
She's a close friend already,
And she's truly amazing.
I wonder if she'll fall for me,
And if we'll take a chance together.
I'm not quite sure if I've fallen,
I have a feeling I will,
But I'll just let time take it's course.
I haven't fallen in love with her,
Not yet.
You'd Be Lucky
I'm unique,
You're not.
I'm different.
You're the same as the others.
Maybe you can find another like me,
But there's a million like you.
And I promise you, honey,
I"ll meet someone true and genuine.
You'd be lucky to meet someone
Worth your time.
You'd be lucky
To have someone like me.
But,
You broke it off,
So there's only you to blame.
If you meet anyone at all,
You'd be damn lucky.
You're not.
I'm different.
You're the same as the others.
Maybe you can find another like me,
But there's a million like you.
And I promise you, honey,
I"ll meet someone true and genuine.
You'd be lucky to meet someone
Worth your time.
You'd be lucky
To have someone like me.
But,
You broke it off,
So there's only you to blame.
If you meet anyone at all,
You'd be damn lucky.
I Don't Give a Fuck
I'll take this knife,
And press it down,
And split a vein or two.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm tired of all your shit,
And don't worry,
You finally hurt me like you wanted.
Brag about it,
I don't give a fuck.
Let my blood cover up my writing,
All about you.
And don't worry,
This last one is easy to read,
Written in my blood.
Don't believe me?
Well fuck you.
I realy did it.
And as for you think...
I don't give a fuck!
And press it down,
And split a vein or two.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm tired of all your shit,
And don't worry,
You finally hurt me like you wanted.
Brag about it,
I don't give a fuck.
Let my blood cover up my writing,
All about you.
And don't worry,
This last one is easy to read,
Written in my blood.
Don't believe me?
Well fuck you.
I realy did it.
And as for you think...
I don't give a fuck!
I Still Love You
My head is swimming,
And I can't get you off my mind.
Why is this?
You hate me.
You love someone else.
I'm nothing to you.
I treated you so well I thought,
What happened?
Why did we fight?
I sometimes wonder,
Do you ever miss me,
Like I miss you?
I would tell you how I feel,
If I could.
If you happen to stumble across this page,
And read this,
Realizing it's about you...
Just so you know...
I still love you.
And I can't get you off my mind.
Why is this?
You hate me.
You love someone else.
I'm nothing to you.
I treated you so well I thought,
What happened?
Why did we fight?
I sometimes wonder,
Do you ever miss me,
Like I miss you?
I would tell you how I feel,
If I could.
If you happen to stumble across this page,
And read this,
Realizing it's about you...
Just so you know...
I still love you.
Just a Little More
I feel I've lost my heart,
It's taking me.
It's taking control.
I can't stop it.
The longing for pain,
The lust for death,
The hatred for the world.
the blade,
It feels so good,
Dragging itself across my wrist.
The heat of the red,
Feels soothing to
My cold skin.
I tell myself,
"Just a little more..."
Pressing deeper,
My vision blurs.
Passed out,
Heart slowing,
Bleeding more and more.
All it took, was
Just a little more.
It's taking me.
It's taking control.
I can't stop it.
The longing for pain,
The lust for death,
The hatred for the world.
the blade,
It feels so good,
Dragging itself across my wrist.
The heat of the red,
Feels soothing to
My cold skin.
I tell myself,
"Just a little more..."
Pressing deeper,
My vision blurs.
Passed out,
Heart slowing,
Bleeding more and more.
All it took, was
Just a little more.
Darkness
It eats away at me,
Consuming my hope,
My thoughts,
My mind.
I've lost my heart to it,
And ti tells em to do things,
I know I don't want to.
But the darkness
Takes over,
I can't control it.
The knife running across my stomach,
The darkness telsl me I want more.
It presses the blade down harder,
Blood falling to the ground.
It tells me it feels good.
It cuts an X on my chest.
As I lay on the ground,
Blood stained,
I know I've been
Consumed by the darkness.
Consuming my hope,
My thoughts,
My mind.
I've lost my heart to it,
And ti tells em to do things,
I know I don't want to.
But the darkness
Takes over,
I can't control it.
The knife running across my stomach,
The darkness telsl me I want more.
It presses the blade down harder,
Blood falling to the ground.
It tells me it feels good.
It cuts an X on my chest.
As I lay on the ground,
Blood stained,
I know I've been
Consumed by the darkness.
Your Fault
I'm broken,
I'm beyond repair.
It's all your fault,
And I'll be sure you know that.
I leave all my hate to you,
All my love to everyone, and anyone else.
I'll take the gun,
And pull the trigger.
Surrounded by a pool of blood,
Maybe you'll finally realize,
I'm not a liar.
Let teh darkness come take me away,
I'll look up at you from down there,
And laugh at your pain.
Just so you know,
This is all
Your fault.
I'm beyond repair.
It's all your fault,
And I'll be sure you know that.
I leave all my hate to you,
All my love to everyone, and anyone else.
I'll take the gun,
And pull the trigger.
Surrounded by a pool of blood,
Maybe you'll finally realize,
I'm not a liar.
Let teh darkness come take me away,
I'll look up at you from down there,
And laugh at your pain.
Just so you know,
This is all
Your fault.
Let's Just Try
This feeling is crazy,
But I love it.
I would do anything to be with you,
I've never felt like this.
I know if you just give me a chance,
You'll fall for me,
Like I have for you.
Come on, baby,
I'm not afraid of forever.
I'll do anything you want,
I'll be perfect for you.
If it doesn't work out,
I'll be fine.
At least we tried.
Baby,
Please,
Let's just try.
But I love it.
I would do anything to be with you,
I've never felt like this.
I know if you just give me a chance,
You'll fall for me,
Like I have for you.
Come on, baby,
I'm not afraid of forever.
I'll do anything you want,
I'll be perfect for you.
If it doesn't work out,
I'll be fine.
At least we tried.
Baby,
Please,
Let's just try.
The Demon
The darkness inside,
It's consuming me.
All the hate, pain, anger.
I try to fight it,
But this demon won't let go.
Pulling me farther from the light.
Now with the scars on my arm,
The holes in the wall,
And the blade in my hand,
I know I'm no longer myself.
The blade runs down my chest,
Causing small cuts,
For more demons to enter.
The demon has full control now,
Pushing the blade down harder.
The light is slowly coming into vision,
So close, yet so far.
But I know,
The demon
Will drag me down with him.
It's consuming me.
All the hate, pain, anger.
I try to fight it,
But this demon won't let go.
Pulling me farther from the light.
Now with the scars on my arm,
The holes in the wall,
And the blade in my hand,
I know I'm no longer myself.
The blade runs down my chest,
Causing small cuts,
For more demons to enter.
The demon has full control now,
Pushing the blade down harder.
The light is slowly coming into vision,
So close, yet so far.
But I know,
The demon
Will drag me down with him.
How Does it Feel?
My blood is boiling,
I reach for the knife.
I have a choice,
You, or me.
I run the knife across my fingers,
The cool blade is so tempting.
Perssing the blade down slightly harder,
A small cut appears.
Drops of blood trickle down my hand,
I want more.
The blade runs up to my arm,
Now with a mind of its own.
Cutting the skin,
More blood emerges.
Adrenaline flows through me.
As I set the blade down,
I feel better now.
With your name permanently on my wrist,
To remind you of the pain you caused me.
How does it feel,
Knowing you caused this?
Tell me,
How does it feel?
I reach for the knife.
I have a choice,
You, or me.
I run the knife across my fingers,
The cool blade is so tempting.
Perssing the blade down slightly harder,
A small cut appears.
Drops of blood trickle down my hand,
I want more.
The blade runs up to my arm,
Now with a mind of its own.
Cutting the skin,
More blood emerges.
Adrenaline flows through me.
As I set the blade down,
I feel better now.
With your name permanently on my wrist,
To remind you of the pain you caused me.
How does it feel,
Knowing you caused this?
Tell me,
How does it feel?
All These Feelings
I can't stop thinking about her.
She doesn't love me back,
Why can't I realize that?
I screwed it up,
I said things I shouldn't have.
I wish I could tell her how I feel,
But I know she could break my heart.
I miss her,
More than anyone.
If I could just tell her how I feel,
Maybe,
Just maybe,
It would stop
All these feelings.
She doesn't love me back,
Why can't I realize that?
I screwed it up,
I said things I shouldn't have.
I wish I could tell her how I feel,
But I know she could break my heart.
I miss her,
More than anyone.
If I could just tell her how I feel,
Maybe,
Just maybe,
It would stop
All these feelings.
Secrets
Why does she always keep secrets?
Not telling me she's gay,
After telling her I was.
Going upstairs each time he calls.
What is there to hide?
She wants to me respect her,
I don't respect people who don't respect me.
Start treating me my age,
Show me some respect,
And stop with all the god damn
Secrets.
Not telling me she's gay,
After telling her I was.
Going upstairs each time he calls.
What is there to hide?
She wants to me respect her,
I don't respect people who don't respect me.
Start treating me my age,
Show me some respect,
And stop with all the god damn
Secrets.
The Key
You say we're done, we're over, we're just not the same.
Is it me, or is it you to blame?
I still love you baby,
And I don't want to let you go.
Now let's pretend we're blind and listen closely to the words we're saying,
You and I both know I'm not playing,
When I say...
I love you,
I don't wanna let you go.
Let's just slow down and go with the flow.
I know you're the right one for me,
I know we're meant to be.
Just close your eyes and listen to my words,
You'll always hold the key,
The key to my heart.
We've been dating for almost three years,
Just because they think we're not really right for each other,
Should we listen to them, our peers?
I'm sure you love other people, and other people love you,
But really, without you, what am I supposed to do?
Now let's pretend we're blind and listen closely to the words we're saying,
You and I both know I'm not playing,
When I say...
I love you,
I don't wanna let you go.
Let's just slow down and go with the flow.
I know you're the right one for me,
I know we're meant to be.
Just close your eyes and listen to my words,
You'll always hold the key,
The key to my heart.
I've been in love with you from the first day I spoke to you,
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do,
To show you how much I love you, how much I care.
Let's just take one more chance, one more dare.
Just to see if we can really work,
We just have to try.
I love you,
I don't wanna let you go.
Let's just slow down and go with the flow.
I know you're the right one for me,
I know we're meant to be.
Just close your eyes and listen to my words,
You'll always hold the key,
The key to my heart.
Is it me, or is it you to blame?
I still love you baby,
And I don't want to let you go.
Now let's pretend we're blind and listen closely to the words we're saying,
You and I both know I'm not playing,
When I say...
I love you,
I don't wanna let you go.
Let's just slow down and go with the flow.
I know you're the right one for me,
I know we're meant to be.
Just close your eyes and listen to my words,
You'll always hold the key,
The key to my heart.
We've been dating for almost three years,
Just because they think we're not really right for each other,
Should we listen to them, our peers?
I'm sure you love other people, and other people love you,
But really, without you, what am I supposed to do?
Now let's pretend we're blind and listen closely to the words we're saying,
You and I both know I'm not playing,
When I say...
I love you,
I don't wanna let you go.
Let's just slow down and go with the flow.
I know you're the right one for me,
I know we're meant to be.
Just close your eyes and listen to my words,
You'll always hold the key,
The key to my heart.
I've been in love with you from the first day I spoke to you,
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do,
To show you how much I love you, how much I care.
Let's just take one more chance, one more dare.
Just to see if we can really work,
We just have to try.
I love you,
I don't wanna let you go.
Let's just slow down and go with the flow.
I know you're the right one for me,
I know we're meant to be.
Just close your eyes and listen to my words,
You'll always hold the key,
The key to my heart.
Hate
Hate.
Some people say it's a strong word.
She says I shouldn't have hate in my heart.
All hearts have some hate.
Dark.
Light.
As you come closer to the light,
The greater your shadow becomes.
Hate will always be a part of me.
So long as she doesn't change.
It's just how I am.
I'm not a bad person.
I'm not the spawn of Satan.
I have a big heart,
And I hate few people.
But I'm not going to change my ways,
Just because you're one of the few people I
Hate.
Some people say it's a strong word.
She says I shouldn't have hate in my heart.
All hearts have some hate.
Dark.
Light.
As you come closer to the light,
The greater your shadow becomes.
Hate will always be a part of me.
So long as she doesn't change.
It's just how I am.
I'm not a bad person.
I'm not the spawn of Satan.
I have a big heart,
And I hate few people.
But I'm not going to change my ways,
Just because you're one of the few people I
Hate.
Moving Out
I can't wait to move out.
It'll be great,
To finally be away from her.
I'll be sure to send her a post card,
That says
"I'm glad you're not here".
Maybe then she'll get it.
How much I can't stand her.
How much I'd rather be with my dad.
Sure,
My dad isn't perfect.
But he makes me happy,
That should be enough.
One day I'll be far away,
Being sure to stay in close contact with him,
And not her.
I love him.
I loathe her.
Oh well.
In 2 years,
I'll be
Moving out.
It'll be great,
To finally be away from her.
I'll be sure to send her a post card,
That says
"I'm glad you're not here".
Maybe then she'll get it.
How much I can't stand her.
How much I'd rather be with my dad.
Sure,
My dad isn't perfect.
But he makes me happy,
That should be enough.
One day I'll be far away,
Being sure to stay in close contact with him,
And not her.
I love him.
I loathe her.
Oh well.
In 2 years,
I'll be
Moving out.
Just The Truth
She gets mad when I say I hate her.
She thinks I'm lying.
She's trying to save herself the heartache.
I wouldn't say it just to say it.
I mean what I say,
And say what I mean.
I'm not afraid to hurt other's feelings,
When all I'm saying is the truth.
Stop saving yourself the heartache.
I'll keep saying it until you get it.
I hate you.
Sorry,
But it's
Just the truth.
She thinks I'm lying.
She's trying to save herself the heartache.
I wouldn't say it just to say it.
I mean what I say,
And say what I mean.
I'm not afraid to hurt other's feelings,
When all I'm saying is the truth.
Stop saving yourself the heartache.
I'll keep saying it until you get it.
I hate you.
Sorry,
But it's
Just the truth.
One Wish
If I could have one wish,
No more and no less,
I'd wish to be anywhere but here.
Away from school,
Old friends,
Ex girlfriends,
And most importantly, my mom.
I'd bring my dad,
Of course.
Life would be so much more bearable,
Not having to be around these old memories,
Of hurt and heartbreak.
If I ever find a magical lamp,
With a genie inside to grant my wish,
I know my
One wish.
No more and no less,
I'd wish to be anywhere but here.
Away from school,
Old friends,
Ex girlfriends,
And most importantly, my mom.
I'd bring my dad,
Of course.
Life would be so much more bearable,
Not having to be around these old memories,
Of hurt and heartbreak.
If I ever find a magical lamp,
With a genie inside to grant my wish,
I know my
One wish.
Waiting
Waiting, waiting here for you.
Waiting for you to realize that I love you, too.
Waiting for that day when you'll realize,
I'm the one you're meant to be with.
Waiting, waiting for you to give me so much as a glance as we pass each other in the halls.
Waiting for you to call me back just to say hello.
Waiting for you to realize that you miss me, too.
Waiting, I'll wait for you.
Waiting for you to realize that I love you, too.
Waiting for that day when you'll realize,
I'm the one you're meant to be with.
Waiting, waiting for you to give me so much as a glance as we pass each other in the halls.
Waiting for you to call me back just to say hello.
Waiting for you to realize that you miss me, too.
Waiting, I'll wait for you.
One Chance
My heart is pounding,
And I feel I've gone insane.
You're the only one I think about,
And for that, who's to blame?
Your eyes make my stomach flip,
Your sweet voice makes me forget how to breathe.
I know you love someone else,
But can't you see how much that's killing me?
Please let me be yours,
Although you deserve better.
I'll treat you like the princess you are.
Just give me one chance to prove myself,
My one and only love.
I'll be everything you could ever want,
And more.
My heart is yours.
Please,
I only ask for
One chance.
And I feel I've gone insane.
You're the only one I think about,
And for that, who's to blame?
Your eyes make my stomach flip,
Your sweet voice makes me forget how to breathe.
I know you love someone else,
But can't you see how much that's killing me?
Please let me be yours,
Although you deserve better.
I'll treat you like the princess you are.
Just give me one chance to prove myself,
My one and only love.
I'll be everything you could ever want,
And more.
My heart is yours.
Please,
I only ask for
One chance.
Grandma
Grandma, even though you're gone, I can still feel you inside my heart.
As I was your guiding star, you are now mine, even though we're apart.
I would go to the ends of the earth just to once again see your shining smile.
I remember calling you every Christmas to tell you what I got, and pressing that dial.
Even though I know you're now in a better place, side by side with our Lord,
It doesn't dampen the pain of losing you, because when I was tehre with you, together we soared.
I wish I could've seen you more before you departed,
You leaving has left me quite broken hearted.
But don't feel bad,
We all know you wouldn't want to see us sad.
We'll all reunite together one day,
A big happy family, once again.
As I was your guiding star, you are now mine, even though we're apart.
I would go to the ends of the earth just to once again see your shining smile.
I remember calling you every Christmas to tell you what I got, and pressing that dial.
Even though I know you're now in a better place, side by side with our Lord,
It doesn't dampen the pain of losing you, because when I was tehre with you, together we soared.
I wish I could've seen you more before you departed,
You leaving has left me quite broken hearted.
But don't feel bad,
We all know you wouldn't want to see us sad.
We'll all reunite together one day,
A big happy family, once again.
Chicken Soup
As I sit at the table eating soup,
I'm thinking of the chickens in a nearby coop.
How they would make a tasty addition to my meal,
Pity for them, almost shame I fel.
But this soup is quite bladn,
So out the door I walk, ax in hand.
Out towards the coop,
To make me some chicken soup.
I'm thinking of the chickens in a nearby coop.
How they would make a tasty addition to my meal,
Pity for them, almost shame I fel.
But this soup is quite bladn,
So out the door I walk, ax in hand.
Out towards the coop,
To make me some chicken soup.
Stars
Sparking up in the sky
So far away, yet so close.
Something so beautiful is only visible at night;
Unfortunate.
The darkness slowly fills withl ight,
I count the starts slowly,
One,
Two,
Three,
Thousands.
Sometimes, there can be a shoting star flying through the night sky;
A messenger from heaven, through the dark abyss.
Make a wish,
One,
Two,
Three,
The falling star gone
I've made my wish.
It was for you.
So far away, yet so close.
Something so beautiful is only visible at night;
Unfortunate.
The darkness slowly fills withl ight,
I count the starts slowly,
One,
Two,
Three,
Thousands.
Sometimes, there can be a shoting star flying through the night sky;
A messenger from heaven, through the dark abyss.
Make a wish,
One,
Two,
Three,
The falling star gone
I've made my wish.
It was for you.
One-in-a-million
Never felt like this before,
Is she the one?
Falling more with her.
Falling for her all over again.
Can't stop myself.
Heart pounding faster everytime our bodies meet.
Butterflies in my tummy.
Mood shifts to ecstatic whenever she says "I love you".
The everlasting desire to be with her.
Am I falling in too deep,
With someone I don't deserve?
Will I be able to find another one as amazing as her?
I don't think so.
She's one-in-a-million.
All I want.
All I need.
Spend forever with me.
Is she the one?
Falling more with her.
Falling for her all over again.
Can't stop myself.
Heart pounding faster everytime our bodies meet.
Butterflies in my tummy.
Mood shifts to ecstatic whenever she says "I love you".
The everlasting desire to be with her.
Am I falling in too deep,
With someone I don't deserve?
Will I be able to find another one as amazing as her?
I don't think so.
She's one-in-a-million.
All I want.
All I need.
Spend forever with me.
I Love You More
I am Romeo, and you are my Juliet.
I could not live without you, I'm so glad we met.
You make my heart pound faster,
It's geting harder for me to ignore.
You, my love, have showed me how deeply it's possible to love,
You're my angel, sent from above.
I'm addicted to you,
There's nothing I can do,
That'll stop my love for the one and only you.
There's not enough words to show how much I care,
And I want us to stay together forever, let's take on that dare.
We'll show everyone how deep love can be,
We'll make it, you and me.
I don't know really what else to say,
Everything about you I adore,
Oh, and one more thing,
I love you more.
I could not live without you, I'm so glad we met.
You make my heart pound faster,
It's geting harder for me to ignore.
You, my love, have showed me how deeply it's possible to love,
You're my angel, sent from above.
I'm addicted to you,
There's nothing I can do,
That'll stop my love for the one and only you.
There's not enough words to show how much I care,
And I want us to stay together forever, let's take on that dare.
We'll show everyone how deep love can be,
We'll make it, you and me.
I don't know really what else to say,
Everything about you I adore,
Oh, and one more thing,
I love you more.
Will You Catch Me?
Beautiful blue eyes, that are so easy to get lost in.
You're such a prize, I don't know what I did to win.
Making you happy is my goal,
Loving you is starting to take an evident toll.
You're all I think about, I can't help it.
When you appear, my eyes become lit.
I didn't know it was possible to love this deep.
Promise me, my heart, you'll keep.
I miss you when you're not away.
Hopefully you'll see just how much you mean to me, one day.
I fall for you harder and harder each day.
I don't think I can catch myself...
Will you catch me?
You're such a prize, I don't know what I did to win.
Making you happy is my goal,
Loving you is starting to take an evident toll.
You're all I think about, I can't help it.
When you appear, my eyes become lit.
I didn't know it was possible to love this deep.
Promise me, my heart, you'll keep.
I miss you when you're not away.
Hopefully you'll see just how much you mean to me, one day.
I fall for you harder and harder each day.
I don't think I can catch myself...
Will you catch me?
Over
Outside I'm fine.
Inside I'm dying.
Maybe this is all just a dream,
No, a nightmare,
From which I will soon wake up.
Hiding it all through a fake smile,
It's starting to become too hard to do.
People around me slowly start to realize,
And they become worried.
I deny it, too scared to show my feelings.
Running out of things to do to make the pain disappear,
So I resort to drugs and self-harm.
Drops of red flow from my wrist,
Faster and faster.
Needles flowing into my arm,
Full of drugs.
The room begins to spin,
I press the blade harder to my wrist.
The last few moments,
Starting to shake, losing breath.
I just couldn't take it anymore,
With no idea what to do.
My heart slows,
My breathing gets shorter and shorter.
This is it.
I'm done with this.
It's over.
Disclaimer: I know this is really dark and suicidal. No, I'm not suicidal. I wrote this when I was in a very dark place. Don't worry, I'm sticking around for the long run.
Inside I'm dying.
Maybe this is all just a dream,
No, a nightmare,
From which I will soon wake up.
Hiding it all through a fake smile,
It's starting to become too hard to do.
People around me slowly start to realize,
And they become worried.
I deny it, too scared to show my feelings.
Running out of things to do to make the pain disappear,
So I resort to drugs and self-harm.
Drops of red flow from my wrist,
Faster and faster.
Needles flowing into my arm,
Full of drugs.
The room begins to spin,
I press the blade harder to my wrist.
The last few moments,
Starting to shake, losing breath.
I just couldn't take it anymore,
With no idea what to do.
My heart slows,
My breathing gets shorter and shorter.
This is it.
I'm done with this.
It's over.
Disclaimer: I know this is really dark and suicidal. No, I'm not suicidal. I wrote this when I was in a very dark place. Don't worry, I'm sticking around for the long run.
Nothing
What am I?
Am I something?
Or am I nothing?
Nothing but a girl,
With no clarity of her world.
She doesn't know what to do.
Blood flows from her wrist,
Lost, confused.
Head spinning,
She cuts deeper.
Unable to stop,
Unable to feel.
She wants to end it.
No way out.
No place to go.
No one who could understand.
More and more blood comes from her wrist.
Almost gone.
It's almost over.
Just a few more minutes,
And she'll be nothing.
Am I something?
Or am I nothing?
Nothing but a girl,
With no clarity of her world.
She doesn't know what to do.
Blood flows from her wrist,
Lost, confused.
Head spinning,
She cuts deeper.
Unable to stop,
Unable to feel.
She wants to end it.
No way out.
No place to go.
No one who could understand.
More and more blood comes from her wrist.
Almost gone.
It's almost over.
Just a few more minutes,
And she'll be nothing.
Trying So Hard
I don't want to feel this way
I don't want to hurt all the time
I'm tired of being rejected
I'm sick of trying so hard
I never get anything in return
I try so hard to be liked
Admired
Wanted
I try so hard every day
For friends
Family
Strangers
And what do I get back?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Fucking nothing.
I don't want to hurt all the time
I'm tired of being rejected
I'm sick of trying so hard
I never get anything in return
I try so hard to be liked
Admired
Wanted
I try so hard every day
For friends
Family
Strangers
And what do I get back?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Fucking nothing.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Home
The one place where I can feel truly safe.
My dog laying next to me,
My dad sitting on the couch with me.
The TV blares,
But all I can think about is not wanting to see my mom.
My dad just makes me more comfortable,
He makes me smile,
He makes me laugh.
Our deep conversations mean so much.
Knowing he loves me and is always there.
He may not understand it all,
But he understands enough.
He won't push me over the edge,
But I know she can.
Please...
Just let me stay home.
My dog laying next to me,
My dad sitting on the couch with me.
The TV blares,
But all I can think about is not wanting to see my mom.
My dad just makes me more comfortable,
He makes me smile,
He makes me laugh.
Our deep conversations mean so much.
Knowing he loves me and is always there.
He may not understand it all,
But he understands enough.
He won't push me over the edge,
But I know she can.
Please...
Just let me stay home.
I Don't Know
Confused
Lonely
Lost
Having these feelings
For those
I've put behind me
I'm over you
Why am I blushing?
Why can't I speak?
I don't love you
I don't like you
Stop talking to me
I do love you
Maybe I do like you
Please don't stop talking to me
I just
Don't know
Anymore
Lonely
Lost
Having these feelings
For those
I've put behind me
I'm over you
Why am I blushing?
Why can't I speak?
I don't love you
I don't like you
Stop talking to me
I do love you
Maybe I do like you
Please don't stop talking to me
I just
Don't know
Anymore
Friday, September 23, 2011
Thanks
Why is it your face is everywhere I go?
I don't want to think about you,
I'm supposed to be over you.
I guess all those secrets shared,
All those days we spent together,
All those moments we spent kissing,
Actually meant something to me.
Everything I said I actually meant, like saying,
"I want to grow old with you",
"I want to share my first time with you",
And most importantly,
"I love you".
I guess you didn't mean any of that.
Thanks.
Thanks for the heartbreak,
The memories,
But most of all,
Thanks for making me stronger.
I don't want to think about you,
I'm supposed to be over you.
I guess all those secrets shared,
All those days we spent together,
All those moments we spent kissing,
Actually meant something to me.
Everything I said I actually meant, like saying,
"I want to grow old with you",
"I want to share my first time with you",
And most importantly,
"I love you".
I guess you didn't mean any of that.
Thanks.
Thanks for the heartbreak,
The memories,
But most of all,
Thanks for making me stronger.
Hold It In
It finally feels like we're friends once again,
Being completely separated caused me much pain.
Old memories coming back,
I still remember some, though some I lack.
Though one problem, still is there.
I still greatly long for us to be a pair.
If I could tell you, I would.
I know in the back of my mind, I probably should.
Just for the slightest chance,
I'm sure everyone is tired of listening to the these same old rants.
But I know for a fact,
On me, you'd turn your back.
I think that would cause too much pain,
So I'll just hold it in.
Being completely separated caused me much pain.
Old memories coming back,
I still remember some, though some I lack.
Though one problem, still is there.
I still greatly long for us to be a pair.
If I could tell you, I would.
I know in the back of my mind, I probably should.
Just for the slightest chance,
I'm sure everyone is tired of listening to the these same old rants.
But I know for a fact,
On me, you'd turn your back.
I think that would cause too much pain,
So I'll just hold it in.
What If
Feeling weak in the knees,
Feeling the blood rush to your cheeks.
Trying so hard not to stare,
Trying not to fall again.
Having all these feelings inside,
Having to hide the pain.
I wish I could let it show,
Maybe you'd get the hint, and actually care.
But what if...
You don't care?
What if
You tell everyone?
What if
You completely break my heart again...?
I'll just keep hiding it,
And pull through the hard times.
It's too big of a risk, to risk those
What if's.
Feeling the blood rush to your cheeks.
Trying so hard not to stare,
Trying not to fall again.
Having all these feelings inside,
Having to hide the pain.
I wish I could let it show,
Maybe you'd get the hint, and actually care.
But what if...
You don't care?
What if
You tell everyone?
What if
You completely break my heart again...?
I'll just keep hiding it,
And pull through the hard times.
It's too big of a risk, to risk those
What if's.
How Much You Mean to Me
I care for you deeply,
you know that.
Though you still care about her.
(Aren't I good enough for you?)
Of course it hurts.
But your happiness,
Is what matters to me.
(Can't you tell how much I care?)
If caring for me,
Wouldn't make you happy...
That's okay.
(I'd be perfect for you.)
I'll just swallow the sadness,
Hold back the tears,
And appear happy.
(While inside, I'm breaking down.)
I hope by me doing this,
You'll see,
You'll see just
How much you mean to me.
you know that.
Though you still care about her.
(Aren't I good enough for you?)
Of course it hurts.
But your happiness,
Is what matters to me.
(Can't you tell how much I care?)
If caring for me,
Wouldn't make you happy...
That's okay.
(I'd be perfect for you.)
I'll just swallow the sadness,
Hold back the tears,
And appear happy.
(While inside, I'm breaking down.)
I hope by me doing this,
You'll see,
You'll see just
How much you mean to me.
I Guess
I daydream about her,
Every day, every night.
I can't keep my mind off her.
I can't help it.
She's in all my dreams,
And all my thoughts.
I sing love songs about her,
Every night.
I know she knows I like her.
But does she know how much?
How much I desire to be hers?
How much I care?
She likes someone else,
But can't she see how much it kills me?
I say that I'm fine,
But can't she see past that wall?
I guess I'll just keep swooning,
Keep falling harder,
And keep waiting for her.
... I guess.
Every day, every night.
I can't keep my mind off her.
I can't help it.
She's in all my dreams,
And all my thoughts.
I sing love songs about her,
Every night.
I know she knows I like her.
But does she know how much?
How much I desire to be hers?
How much I care?
She likes someone else,
But can't she see how much it kills me?
I say that I'm fine,
But can't she see past that wall?
I guess I'll just keep swooning,
Keep falling harder,
And keep waiting for her.
... I guess.
Too Hopeful
I hate how I'm still in love with her,
I know she doesn't feel the same.
I'm staying up at night, thinking about her,
While she's home finding sleep.
She knows I still care,
That's not my problem.
My problem is I can't think about anything else.
And I have to keep killing that hope that she feels the same.
Reading all the old poems I wrote about her,
Finding the cards she gave me...
It hurts,
But I know I have to keep moving on.
I'll always have those feelings for her,
Even if she doesn't feel the same.
Maybe,
She'll realize that she still loves me...
Or maybe,
I'm just being too hopeful.
I know she doesn't feel the same.
I'm staying up at night, thinking about her,
While she's home finding sleep.
She knows I still care,
That's not my problem.
My problem is I can't think about anything else.
And I have to keep killing that hope that she feels the same.
Reading all the old poems I wrote about her,
Finding the cards she gave me...
It hurts,
But I know I have to keep moving on.
I'll always have those feelings for her,
Even if she doesn't feel the same.
Maybe,
She'll realize that she still loves me...
Or maybe,
I'm just being too hopeful.
If I Do
We're talking again. (Why?)
It makes me happy,
Yet scared,
At the same time.
I admitted how I feel, (Was that a mistake?)
Although I thought those feelings
Weren't really there. (Although I knew they were.)
I'll (try to) stop texting back,
And try to stop
Staring at that picture of her (which I won't)
While she'll wonder,
"Why isn't she replying?" (She just wants to pass time)
Well, if I do...
I know I'll fall in love (I already have)
All over again, (Harder than before)
With someone who doesn't give a damn. (Or does she?)
I'll wonder,
"Does she feel the same?"
Do I have a chance?
It makes me happy,
Yet scared,
At the same time.
I admitted how I feel, (Was that a mistake?)
Although I thought those feelings
Weren't really there. (Although I knew they were.)
I'll (try to) stop texting back,
And try to stop
Staring at that picture of her (which I won't)
While she'll wonder,
"Why isn't she replying?" (She just wants to pass time)
Well, if I do...
I know I'll fall in love (I already have)
All over again, (Harder than before)
With someone who doesn't give a damn. (Or does she?)
I'll wonder,
"Does she feel the same?"
Do I have a chance?
There Was a Time
There was a time,
When I was in love with you,
And you were in love with me, too.
There was a time,
When it was just you and I,
Your side, I was always by.
There was a time,
When we were so close.
Of my drug, I never needed a dose.
There was a time,
When happy, we both were.
And every time we kissed, inside my heart would purr.
There was a time,
When I was in love with you.
I know I still am... Are you, too?
When I was in love with you,
And you were in love with me, too.
There was a time,
When it was just you and I,
Your side, I was always by.
There was a time,
When we were so close.
Of my drug, I never needed a dose.
There was a time,
When happy, we both were.
And every time we kissed, inside my heart would purr.
There was a time,
When I was in love with you.
I know I still am... Are you, too?
If I Told You
If I told you,
That I'm still in love with you,
would you say that you are, too?
If I told you,
Who misses you, I do.
Would you tell me that you miss me, too?
If I told you,
I think about you, every day?
Would you care, or just say "okay"?
If I told you,
That I know I treated you wrong,
And for you I still greatly long...
If I told you,
Any of these,
I know you'd just think "oh please".
If I COULD tell you,
I would just to
Make sure, that you know, I do love you.
That I'm still in love with you,
would you say that you are, too?
If I told you,
Who misses you, I do.
Would you tell me that you miss me, too?
If I told you,
I think about you, every day?
Would you care, or just say "okay"?
If I told you,
That I know I treated you wrong,
And for you I still greatly long...
If I told you,
Any of these,
I know you'd just think "oh please".
If I COULD tell you,
I would just to
Make sure, that you know, I do love you.
She's Got Me
She's got me,
I'm all hers.
She makes my heart race,
I never would've thought this would be the case.
I'll be perfect for her,
There's not doubt in my mind, not just "sure".
Forever, I want to be her love,
I'll be as sweet, no, sweeter, than a dove.
My heart, forever will hers be,,
'Cause you know, she's got me.
I'm all hers.
She makes my heart race,
I never would've thought this would be the case.
I'll be perfect for her,
There's not doubt in my mind, not just "sure".
Forever, I want to be her love,
I'll be as sweet, no, sweeter, than a dove.
My heart, forever will hers be,,
'Cause you know, she's got me.
Just Get Me Out of Here
Pick me up, throw me back down,
Is that what you're all about?
Just get me out of here.
Farther and farther I go into the darkness,
Slowly losing my sanity.
Just get me out of here.
You tell me, "It'll all be okay".
But, will it?
Just get me out of here.
I don't know how much longer I'll last.
Alone.
Without what makes me.
My drug.
Just get me out of here.
Can't take it anymore.
Pop a few pills, grab a knife.
Just get me out of here.
Faster.
Chills.
Press the blade down.
Just get me out of here.
Heart beating faster.
Head spinning.
Blood flowing faster.
Just get me out of here.
Drag me to hell.
Lift me to heaven.
I don't care.
Just get me out of here...
Is that what you're all about?
Just get me out of here.
Farther and farther I go into the darkness,
Slowly losing my sanity.
Just get me out of here.
You tell me, "It'll all be okay".
But, will it?
Just get me out of here.
I don't know how much longer I'll last.
Alone.
Without what makes me.
My drug.
Just get me out of here.
Can't take it anymore.
Pop a few pills, grab a knife.
Just get me out of here.
Faster.
Chills.
Press the blade down.
Just get me out of here.
Heart beating faster.
Head spinning.
Blood flowing faster.
Just get me out of here.
Drag me to hell.
Lift me to heaven.
I don't care.
Just get me out of here...
What Is Love?
What is love?
There's no explanation.
It can be tough,
It can be easy.
It makes you crazy,
And you do things you normally wouldn't.
Love can hurt,
But we need it.
Love is the pain.
Love is the happiness.
Love is trusting someone.
Love is giving your all to them.
What is love?
SHE is love.
There's no explanation.
It can be tough,
It can be easy.
It makes you crazy,
And you do things you normally wouldn't.
Love can hurt,
But we need it.
Love is the pain.
Love is the happiness.
Love is trusting someone.
Love is giving your all to them.
What is love?
SHE is love.
I Fell Too Hard
I have a girlfriend,
So why do I still feel,
All these feelings?
You make me breathless,
You make my heart stop,
You make me nervous.
I know you have a girlfriend,
But can't you see?
Can't you see I love you more,
Than she does?
You're my all,
My everything,
I want you,
I need you...
I need to move on.
And fall for her.
Not you.
But this time,
I think I like you too much.
And I think
I fell too hard.
So why do I still feel,
All these feelings?
You make me breathless,
You make my heart stop,
You make me nervous.
I know you have a girlfriend,
But can't you see?
Can't you see I love you more,
Than she does?
You're my all,
My everything,
I want you,
I need you...
I need to move on.
And fall for her.
Not you.
But this time,
I think I like you too much.
And I think
I fell too hard.
If I Fall
If I fall for you,
Will you catch me?
Will you love me, too?
If I fall for you,
Will you be mine?
Will I be yours?
If I fall for you,
Will we be happy?
Will you feel the same?
If I fall for you,
Please just
Catch me.
Will you catch me?
Will you love me, too?
If I fall for you,
Will you be mine?
Will I be yours?
If I fall for you,
Will we be happy?
Will you feel the same?
If I fall for you,
Please just
Catch me.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Chocolate Cake Disaster
This was probably one of the most memorable experiences I've had as a child. I was probably around 8 years old. I was in Las Vegas with my mom and my dad. We were staying at a hotel called The Flamingo. We went to go get pizza there, and of course, being the fat little kid I was, I wanted some chocolate cake. I talked my dad into buying me a huge piece of chocolate cake, and I ended up eating most of it. My dad told me that I needed to slow down or I was going to make myself sick. Of course, I said "no it won't, my tummy can handle it!"
That night, I learned that I needed to listen to my dad when he told me things. I ended up throwing up chocolate cake all night long, at least every half hour. I feel so bad for my mom, because she was the one who had to clean it up every time I had to get up. After staying up all night up-chucking chocolate cake, we had to drive all the way back to Fort Collins, Colorado.
The only good thing that came out of getting so sick was that I was asleep for most of the 8 hour ride home, and I wasn't hungry at all. I remember by the time we got to Denver, I was able to eat one cracker, and that's all I had eaten that day.
Since then, I haven't eaten chocolate cake, and I probably won't ever do it again. And I will most definitely never, ever stay at The Flamingo again.
That night, I learned that I needed to listen to my dad when he told me things. I ended up throwing up chocolate cake all night long, at least every half hour. I feel so bad for my mom, because she was the one who had to clean it up every time I had to get up. After staying up all night up-chucking chocolate cake, we had to drive all the way back to Fort Collins, Colorado.
The only good thing that came out of getting so sick was that I was asleep for most of the 8 hour ride home, and I wasn't hungry at all. I remember by the time we got to Denver, I was able to eat one cracker, and that's all I had eaten that day.
Since then, I haven't eaten chocolate cake, and I probably won't ever do it again. And I will most definitely never, ever stay at The Flamingo again.
Chopping Up Some Wood with the Bears
I was really young, probably about 3-4. I was in California with my mom and my dad, and we were at Disney Land. I don't even remember saying this, but I watched a family video with me saying it.
We were on Splash Mountain, and if you don't know what that is, it's a ride where you're in a log boat and there's a lot of animals. There was a bear and he had an ax, which obviously was for chopping wood. Well, considering I was young, sadistic, and hadn't put two and two together yet, I asked my dad "daddy, why does the bear have an ax?" and he responded "maybe he's going to go chop up some wood." For some reason, my mind went straight to death, and I said "Maybe he's gonna go chop up some PEOPLE!!!" I'm so glad my mom got this comment on video.
I don't know what was wrong with me as a kid, but apparently the only reason bears have ax's on rides is because they're going to go chop up people...
We were on Splash Mountain, and if you don't know what that is, it's a ride where you're in a log boat and there's a lot of animals. There was a bear and he had an ax, which obviously was for chopping wood. Well, considering I was young, sadistic, and hadn't put two and two together yet, I asked my dad "daddy, why does the bear have an ax?" and he responded "maybe he's going to go chop up some wood." For some reason, my mind went straight to death, and I said "Maybe he's gonna go chop up some PEOPLE!!!" I'm so glad my mom got this comment on video.
I don't know what was wrong with me as a kid, but apparently the only reason bears have ax's on rides is because they're going to go chop up people...
My First Trip to the Hosptial
I remember I was in Las Vegas with my mom and my dad. I was pretty young, probably around 5 or 6 years old. For some reason, my parents and I went outside our hotel room at around midnight and we were going to the car for something. The sprinklers outside of the hotel were on, and my dad and I were racing through the car, running through the wet grass. All I remember is running into a pole, falling over, and then feeling a sharp pain in my eye.
I don't remember much, although I remember driving to the hospital and sitting in the waiting room. I had gotten a sharp rock stuck right under my eye. They had to remove it, but I don't think I had to get any stitches. The main thing I remember about that trip is that I got a grape popsicle and I was really happy because grape was my favorite flavor.
What's the moral of this experience I had in my life? Don't run through sprinklers in the middle of the night, trying to beat your dad to the car.
I don't remember much, although I remember driving to the hospital and sitting in the waiting room. I had gotten a sharp rock stuck right under my eye. They had to remove it, but I don't think I had to get any stitches. The main thing I remember about that trip is that I got a grape popsicle and I was really happy because grape was my favorite flavor.
What's the moral of this experience I had in my life? Don't run through sprinklers in the middle of the night, trying to beat your dad to the car.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Jellyfish and Donuts
I used to always take a trip with my parents when I was a little kid. We would go to Mosquite for one night, then Anehim, California, for nine days, then we would go to Las Vegas for three days, and then we would drive home. One year in particular I remember very well.
We were in California, and we went to the beach. I was in the water with my mom, and then I wanted to leave the water because I felt something wrap around my leg and it suddenly started to hurt. Once I came out of the water, I realized that I had been stung by a jellyfish. We immediately told the lifeguard, and nobody peed on me (thankfully) but they did put vinegar on my ankle. After that, I had a mark there for almost a year after I got stung.
After we came back from California and went to Las Vegas, we stayed in the Excaliber, which was my favorite hotel there. We went upstairs to the food court area, and there was a Krispy Kream donut shop, where you could look in through the window and watch people making the donuts. There was a lady in there making chocolate donuts, and dipping them in the chocolate. I gave her a thumbs up, and she gave me three free donuts, one for me, my mom, and my dad.
It was definitely one of my favorite trips and it was something that I will never forget.
We were in California, and we went to the beach. I was in the water with my mom, and then I wanted to leave the water because I felt something wrap around my leg and it suddenly started to hurt. Once I came out of the water, I realized that I had been stung by a jellyfish. We immediately told the lifeguard, and nobody peed on me (thankfully) but they did put vinegar on my ankle. After that, I had a mark there for almost a year after I got stung.
After we came back from California and went to Las Vegas, we stayed in the Excaliber, which was my favorite hotel there. We went upstairs to the food court area, and there was a Krispy Kream donut shop, where you could look in through the window and watch people making the donuts. There was a lady in there making chocolate donuts, and dipping them in the chocolate. I gave her a thumbs up, and she gave me three free donuts, one for me, my mom, and my dad.
It was definitely one of my favorite trips and it was something that I will never forget.
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