This won't be a poem, it'll be a story. It's not the happiest story, but it's how I came to found out what I feel about people and how I learned that I need to stop shoving my emotions down.
In freshman year, I dated a girl. We dated twice for about a month and a half each time. And I ended up falling in love with her. We ended up breaking up, and we had a really bad breakup and weren't friends all of my sophomore year.
During my sophomore year, that girl became transgender, obviously female to male. So, my ex girlfriend was then my ex "boyfriend". So from here on out, that ex will be the only "he" in this story.
During my sophomore year, he told me that he hated me. That basically pushed me to "get over him", when all I really did was take those emotions and feelings I had for him and put them in a little box inside me. So I thought I was over him.
On November 1st, 2010, this girl, Shelly, asked me out. I said yes, and we ended up dating for three months. I fell madly head-over-heels in love with her. We ended up breaking up, and we also had a really bad break up.
She also told me she hated me. She said I was a clingy, worthless b****. She said what we had wasn't real, it was just puppy love, and it meant nothing to her. That hurt me like nothing has ever hurt me before. So, I tried to put those feelings for her in a box. But it didn't work, the box was already full.
On July 26, 2011, I started dating this other girl named Tiffany in an attempt to get over Shelly. Obviously, it didn't work. Tiffany and I broke up mainly because I couldn't handle her being in Florida and me being in Colorado, but a large reason was that I had all these feelings for other people.
A couple weeks ago, I broke down and that box I mentioned earlier opened. All my feelings for Shelly, my ex boyfriend, Tiffany, and a lot of other emotions came out. After I opened that box, it never shut. And my feelings for my ex boyfriend were overwhelming me.
I hadn't realized it until now, but I never got over him. I've been in love with him ever since October 23rd, 2009. And I don't know if I'll ever get over him, or if we'll ever get back together, but this was a huge push forward in my life. I realized I needed to start paying attention to my internal emotions and throw away that box I always put my feelings in.
And that's my story... So I'm waiting to see what happens with me and him... I don't know yet. But yeah, that's my story. ♥
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