My life over the past month.

I've had a very interesting experience over the last month.  I'll start from the beginning.

I've had depression for four years ever since my parents split up.  I've tried many different things to get over this, but I haven't found anything that has helped.

About two weeks ago, I got into my first car accident.  It was very difficult for me, because I had already been feeling like a screw up and like nobody wanted me around.  So this was a very hard experience for me.  I went home that night, and I became extremely suicidal.  I didn't think I would make it through the night, so I told my mother about this.  She immediately took me to the hospital.

After spending about 5 hours getting evaluated by several different doctors, they admitted me to the hospital.  They didn't have any open beds at Mountain Crest, so I stayed the night at PVH.  I had to have someone in the room with me at all times, and they had to check my vitals every four hours and check in on me constantly.  Around 4:30 that next day, I was moved to Mountain Crest.

They told me I was on a 72 hour hold, so I had to be there for three days for sure.  It was a very interesting experience.  I met some really nice people and I bonded with a lot of people there.  It was definitely different though, you had to ask to use the bathroom, you were constantly monitered, we couldn't go outside, we weren't allowed to touch each other, there were a lot of really weird rules.  But there's something that I took away from this experience that I will never forget.

I learned many things about myself.  I learned that you can't make others feel anything.  I learned that sometimes, you need to learn to ask for help when you need it.  I learned that I have the choice to let other people's words affect me.  I learned that I actually do matter to people, I just need to perceive things differently.  I learned I have self esteem issues.  I learned that spirituality and other coping skills can help when I'm feeling depressed.

Inside of Mountain Crest, I learned all these things and met so many different types of people.  I met a schizophrenic.  I met a meth addict.  My room mate was a drunk.  I met another girl just like me.  I met a pill popper.  I met so many different types of people, and I will never forget any of these people.

This experience was such a moving experience for me.  I'm now on Cellexa, which is an anti-depressant, and I'm working on my self-esteem issues and other issues that I've been dealing with for years.  I spent 6 days at Mountain Crest, and those 6 days have completely changed 4 years of suffering.